25 March 2011

Independent Wives

We had a fairly successful Spouses Night last month- not as many as I hoped but fun. This month is proving to be a little harder. We decided to try a card making night. I'm not that in to card making, but it will be fun to get together with the other spouses and see how they're doing and to get to know them better. Unfortunately no one's RSVP'd and the activity is next week. We'll see...

These wives are very independent. They do things on their own because it's habit. When an emergency comes up I want them to feel like they can call us whenever. This week a spouse had a personal emergency and needed someone to watch her kids. She didn't call anyone at the detachment or one of the other spouses and I am sad by that. She was forced to put off a medical procedure because she had no one to watch her kids. She made a few calls on her own and got her husband called home a couple days early from deployment training and I wish she would have thought that to call me or that she felt more comfortable enough to call and ask for some help.

That's why we're trying to get these spouses night up and going. Some wives are too independent. I remembered reading a blog about this from another military spouse:

Asking for help - my biggest challenge
When my husband is deployed, my biggest personal challenge is asking for help.  Especially as a stay at home Mom.

Not because of pride - I realize that I cannot possibly do it all - but out of survival.

You see, while Seth is away, I usually find myself in a perpetual state of semi-denial.

Everything is fine.
Just keep swimming.
Everything is just fine.
Stay positive.
I can do this.
MOM! Stop asking - yes I'm doing just fine.

It's all a coping mechanism - a sort of survival mode for handling stress.

The problem is, I don't ask for help until I really need it.
Like something is on fire.
Or someone needs to go to the emergency room.
Or I have a flat tire with three small children and I can't get the stupid jack out from under the seat.

I realize I'm not super woman.
But if I open up and admit to myself that I need help...
Will I be able to keep saying that everything is just fine?

Because the moment I start admitting to myself I can't do something - I have to face all the realities.

I'm actually really tired.  and yeah maybe a little stressed.  ok maybe a lot stressed.  and well... I might just have to admit... that deep down...  I too am scared of the consequences of war.

How will these deployments change my husband?
How will these deployments change my children?
How will these deployments change me?

If you know someone who has a spouse deployed and you would like to lend a hand - Try offering them something specific like inviting them to your home for dinner.  Watch the kids. Mow the lawn. Offer to take out the trash or bring in the groceries.  Or send them a gift card for dinner so they don't have to cook, clean up, or wash dishes.

Because up until now?  If you've offered your number for me to call if I need anything?  I haven't called - unless I absolutely had to.

This is something I need to work on during this deployment and generally improve on in my life.

Because by asking someone for help - it gives someone a chance to be a blessing to others!

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